shits that been bothering me

 I have my reasons to smoke it all up.

I know i can stop my vices if i really wanted to, maybe it's not the time yet?
I dunno when's the right time or is there really a certain time to stop it all? Or a cue?
Should i need a person who can drive me out into it? Lol, i lowkey don't want it that way.
Besides, i believe that my bullshit is not for anyone's business.
or maybe an emotional support goblin will do 👉👈

Anyway, every time I'm doing it, i felt this guilt, not for me but for my parents.
It's like I'm deteriorating the body they have been taking care of since day one.
I should've had a lot of temper and control over my mind and actions.

Deep down in my consciousness, an ominous thought that maybe i am meant to be alone and not will ever be getting out on my bullshits, or maybe i can get through but still will be alone in the future.

It sucks to be unfair with your true feeling.

It sucks when u thought it's the only option to take for an escape.

Unhealthy coping mechanism. It is.
I'll still do my best.